wounded.
I have come to realize that there are more flavors of pain than ice cream and coffee combined.
There’s the little empty pain of leaving something behind... graduating, taking the next step, walking out of a familiar, safe situation and into the excitement of the unknown. There’s the giant, whirling pain of life upsetting all of your big plans and expectations. There’s the little sharp pains of making a mistake, and the more obscure aches of success, when it doesn’t make you feel as good as you thought it would.
The sweet little pains of finding others who are worthy of your time, giving them your love, and taking joy in their life as they grow and learn. There’s the steady pain of empathy that you shrug off so you can stand beside a wounded friend or lover and help them face their problems.
Then there is the vicious, backstabbing pains of hurt, unforgiveness, and un-appreciation. The hurt of someone not seeing value in something you have worked so very hard at. The heart-wrenching pain that comes from another unwilling to accept their own responsibility of a mistake, and instead ignite the flame of yours and keep the fire burning, raging. Because of this pain I have experienced, I realize: Pain is for the living- for those of us who still have the chance of a lifetime. Only the dead don’t feel it, because their time is already up.
This pain has made me reflect and turn to deep introspection this week, and from that, this is what I’ve learned:
-I am a living, breathing human being who is infinitely more complex than all of my individual problems added up together. And that means I’m more powerful than them- I have the ability to change them, and to change the way I feel about them.
-A big part of my life is a result of the choices I make. If I don’t like some part of my life, then it is time to start making changes and better choices. This change may not be easy, but it is possible. Habits that keep me stuck in life are made in each moment, day by day. Undoing these habits takes the same exact path.
-I asked myself repetitively this week: “What is this situation meant to teach me?” I believe that every situation in our lives has a lesson to teach me. Some of these lessons include: To become stronger. To communicate more clearly. To trust my instincts. To express my love. To forgive. To know when to let go. To try something new, learn something new, and never look back.
-It is crucial that I keep putting one foot in front of the other. Winston S. Churchill once said, “If you are going through hell, keep going.” In other words, never, never, never give in! The brick walls in life are there for a reason. They are not there to keep me out. They are there to give me a chance to show how badly I want something.
-The truth is that what people say and do to me is much more about them, than me. People’s reactions to me are about their perspectives, wounds and experiences. Whether someone thinks I am amazing, or believes I am terrible, again, is more about them. I am not suggesting that I am going to be narcissists and ignore all feedback, but I am saying that too much hurt, disappointment, pain, and sadness in my life comes from taking things personally. In most cases it’s far more productive and healthy to let go of other people’s good or bad opinions of me, and to operate with my own intuition and wisdom as my guide.
-To lose sleep worrying about a long-time colleague. To have trouble picking myself up after someone has let me down. To feel like less because someone didn’t like or care enough about me to really listen and hear me. None of this means I am dysfunctional or crazy. It just means I’m human, and that I need a little time to right myself. And it’s ok to take time to do just that.
-Consciously nurture my inner hope. There’s a saying in Tibetan, “Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.” No matter what sort of difficulties, or how painful an experience is, if I lose my hope, that’s my real tragedy. A loss, a worry, an illness, a dream crushed- no matter how deep my hurt or how high my aspirations, I am going to do myself a favor and pause at least once a day, place my hands over my heart and say aloud, “Hope lives here.”
-I am not who I used to be, and that’s okay. I’ve been hurt; I’ve gone through numerous ups and downs that have made me who I am today. Over the years, so many things have happened- things that have changed my perspective, taught me lessons, and forced my spirit to grow, including this experience. I’m still the same human being, just a little stronger now than I ever was before. Now, it’s time to embrace the new, stronger version of ME.
Strength doesn’t come from comfort; it comes from stretching my comfort zone and overcoming all the things I once thought I couldn’t handle. This week, I was at one of my most painful points, and I realized I am open to the greatest positive change for my life. I believe that the strongest people are the ones who feel pain, accept it, learn from it, and fight through it. They turn their wounds into wisdom and strength.
