misunderstood.

Feminism is grossly misunderstood.

Actress, Maisie Williams once explained that when she first learned the word “feminist,” she didn’t realize why it was used as a label. “I remember thinking- ‘Isn’t that just like everyone?” And then I realized everyone is not a feminist, unfortunately.” She continued, “I feel like we should stop calling feminists ‘feminists’ and just start calling people who aren’t feminist, ‘sexist’ –and then everyone else is just a human. You are either a normal person or a sexist. People get labels when they are bad.” Unfortunately, feminism is the most weighted of labels, so it isn’t quite that simple.

You are either a normal person, or a sexist. So, if being a feminist means believing that men and women are equal and society should afford them equal opportunities and rewards, then of course I’m a feminist. How could any rational person be anything else?

Feminism, inarguably, at its core, is about equality of men and women, not “sameness.” The argument that people offer up is that women are not the “same” as men; so therefore, there can’t be equality. The rationale here being that because women’s bodies are different than men’s, (many say “weaker”) and because men and women have different physical capabilities, these physical differences mean equality is not possible. “Same” does not mean “equal.”  This is about equal rights and equal access to opportunities. Men and women don’t have to be the “same” in physicality to have the right to equality. This argument- that women and men are not “same” so they can’t be equal- should disappear forever. It’s a misguided one.

Another recurring misconception is the association of feminism with the perceived desire of women to bring men down. I am here to tell you that feminism is not synonymous with men bashing or female superiority. Women demanding respect is not man bashing. Women seeking equal, good, appropriate opportunity in our work and careers? Still not man bashing. Even when we are suffused with seditious rage at the systemic injustices and indignities women and minorities face daily, and we declare our purpose is to “smash the patriarchy,” we are also still not man-bashing. NOWHERE in any of the official definitions of feminism does it say that it is a vicious movement led by women who hate men and have a desire to subjugate them. I like men. I am married to a man. I also adore chivalry. Feminism does not stand at odds with chivalry, with general human decency, with kindness. Believing in the advancement of women- in the equality of the sexes- is not a zero sum game. We do not have to lose to gain. We do not have to ask men to shut doors for us so that we can open them ourselves. Activism and advocacy for equality for all people, despite race, class, religion, age, or sexual orientation is at the heart of the feminist agenda.

Feminism It is not against women who want to have children and stay at home. All feminists are not lesbians. All feminists are not angry. Feminists are not unattractive and un-feminine. Feminists are not against marriage. Feminists can be religious. Feminists are not bra-burners who hate sex. Feminists are not only women. A feminist is anyone who recognizes the equality and full humanity of both men and women. Feminism seeks elevation for women, and people of color, the disabled, and LGBTQ.  Being given the right to vote was a nice start to equality, but most women would also like to be able to go for a walk at night without fear of personal injury. We’d like to not get passed over for promotions when advancement opportunity arises. We’d enjoy not paying extra for the same services and amenities men do. The basic necessities of life- razors, haircuts, underwear, shampoo- all cost more for women than men. We would, in short, appreciate being afforded the same privileges as men.

I am a feminist because I am a HUMANIST. Some people ask, well, then why not champion rights for men, too? Because men already HAVE those rights. Privilege is invisible. If you have no idea what male privilege is, there's a good chance you are currently benefiting from male privilege. That's how privilege works. Essentially, due to the social and political power structures that dominate the entire earth, everything is easier for men. Women make less money, exert less political influence, and have less status. Today, right now, women who are full-time, year-round employees make 82.3 cents for every dollar men make. (Based on median earning data from the Census Current Population Survey.) This means women are paid 17.7% less than men, earning $10,157 less than men- doing the same jobs.

Women’s rights remains a critical issue throughout the world. Women are confronted with a systematic denial of rights where legal discrimination leaves them inferior to their male counterparts. All over the world, there is inequality, not just in the pay gap, but in access to education, violence, frontline combat, land ownership, freedom of marriage, and discriminatory divorce rights to name a few. At the current rate of change, it will take over 200 years to achieve gender equality, and that’s just in the U.S. This means my daughter won’t experience equal pay. So, I am a feminist for her. She matters equally. Full Stop.

I am a feminist because there are so many people who are NOT, who believe that there is no disparity in how people are treated based on gender. Feminism is not meant to be a barrier to either gender. Rather, it is meant to establish a sense of mutual understanding and respect that will allow for the entirety of humanity to operate at its best. Inequality of the sexes is not only a woman's issue because it hurts men the world over as well. Our economy, our infrastructure, our very livelihoods suffer when men and women are not afforded the same opportunities. For the equal rights movement to succeed in dismantling patriarchal social systems, and give everyone- regardless of their sex and gender- equal opportunities, men must become feminists.

I am a feminist because I want to teach my sons how to be better men. Men who care about everyone equally. Men who will appreciate their partners and the emotional work they do, and take some of it on themselves. Men who will not expect to be mothered by the people who are supposed to be their partners in life. Men who will be kind and gentle, and have a little bit more emotional intelligence than the ones who came before. Principally, feminism is in the acknowledgement of the fact that the world is not at all fair. This constitutes the first argument for why men should be feminists- the world is problematic. It is not acceptable for anyone to sit back and continue the unjust social structure that discriminates against women. Feminism is a many-headed, many-hearted movement. And I think that’s a good thing, not a bad thing- many hearts and many minds. Men and women working together to better our communities.

I believe we have an irrefutable responsibility to teach our kids this stuff. This is critical if we are to overturn a lot of the nastiness that’s been institutionalized, that’s been stamped into the mud of our history with hard boots. I want my kids to see that people are worth treating with respect and care, regardless of gender, skin color, size, or shape. Most of all, I want them to have empathy for all the people, not just in their lives, but that share the same space with them in this life.

Feminism is a value. Being a feminist is a tremendously personal belief system, and I incorporate it into my everyday life. Feminism comes in thousands of iterations, but at the center of it all, is a core belief that every person on this planet deserves respect, compassion, opportunities, inclusion, and love.

The requirements for being a feminist are not hard. Really, all a person needs to do is hold the belief that women and men deserve equal rights. Being a feminist allows me to look at the world not as it is, but how it could be. When you break it down, feminism should not be misunderstood. Feminism is what is going to make the world a better place.